From the severe burnout I experienced in 1988-1989, I learned to take much better care of myself in all ways, a subject that is especially important now as we are all being challenged to love ourselves more.
Part of loving myself means unplugging — simply stopping whatever I was doing to see if it’s what I really love, really want to be doing. What I’ve been doing is writing and publishing a non-fiction series about personal transformation.
Imagine moving a sizeable boulder uphill… by yourself, without tools.
Writing and publishing a series is a lot of hard work and it costs money unless you can format your own books and create your own book covers and make your own Mobi and ePub files, and have lots of followers eagerly anticipating the next book.
I’m not that person.
So I’m taking time off to consider my experience — what I’ve learned and what it’s cost me. What my original intention was and whether or not it matters now. How much more I must learn to be “successful”…
And wondering if I wouldn’t rather spend that money on some new adventure where I could possibly meet … a new friend. How long has it been since I had a partner? Someone to watch movies or hike or swim or play tennis or laugh out loud with. Someone to share adventures with… or dance with in the kitchen?
Living on borrowed time is a precious experience. It spotlights every choice that appears, raising the question, “But do you still love it?”
I do. But that doesn’t mean I have to publish it. That was the aunt who tried so hard to stay in touch with her siblings and nieces — across states and continents. Then it was the teacher’s idea, the psychotherapist’s plan, but they’ve been retired from service for a while.
Now it’s just me and I’m not sure I want to do this anymore. I mean, seriously, who cares? No one.
Till whenever, I’ll be cleaning out the garage, “getting ready to move” (although I don’t have a clue when or where), and fearlessly playing tennis as often as I can.
Till next time, please be kind to everyone you meet for we all have our hidden sorrows. ~Tzaddi