Conscious Creation: getting past negativity

All protocols for co-creation stress “feeling good” no matter what because the universal law, “like attracts like,” means we get more of whatever we’re thinking about and feelings come from thoughts.

Generally, feeling better can happen simply by changing your thoughts, by switching your attention—unless it doesn’t. This morning, ready to fine-tune any one of the three posts I’d already written for today, I was suddenly overwhelmed by an anxiety attack that seemed to come from nowhere.

Immediately my mind searched for the source, because even though it’s absolutely true that recently every cent in my savings was spent on unexpected maintenance issues, money issues don’t tend to upset me. Perhaps it’s from living on the edge for so many years. My sister has even commented that I live on “air.” So naturally, my mind became a problem-solver, asking questions seeking the cause while I gasped for breath.

What had I been thinking? What had I eaten last night? Was it possible that the new pills I’m taking for the dreaded sneezes had side effects I overlooked?

About those thoughts: tt’s absolutely true that I started on a rough edge. When I opened my email this morning there was not one, but three emails from a blogger I’ve been trying unsuccessfully to delete. His emailed posts had become like that nasty toilet paper that sticks to the bottom of your shoe when you visit a stall in the movie theatre.

When the “unsubscribe” link at the bottom of his email didn’t work, I sent him a personal email requesting that he “unsubscribe” me, but I got no response. I visited Google+ and read their Help section and learned that the blogger needed to install something called “safe unsubscribe” because truthfully, they knew the link didn’t work yet. I copied and pasted that information into an email and sent it to the blogger. He did not reply.

I downloaded several “unsubscribe” software programs–one that was even especially for my email program. No luck. I got an email from them saying, “Can’t help you because it’s attached to a friend on Facebook.” Okay…so I went to Facebook and UN-friended the guy. Made absolutely no difference. The email posts continued.

So naturally, when I checked my email this morning and saw not one but three new emailed posts from this guy, I had…feelings. I wrote to his personal email address–one email divided into three installments–relating all that had come before, my utter frustration with the experience, and begged him to please remove my email address.

Moments later, it was done. I received his note that he had unsubscribed me with the words “I’m sorry.” I replied with “Thank you,” and felt the most amazing relief, as if the neighborhood stalker had finally been caught by the police.

Was that experience the cause of my anxiety attack? As irritating as it was, there was never intense emotion involved. It was simply an instance of finally taking care of business. As one who has taught assertiveness training and empowerment workshops, I’ve thankfully learned that I don’t have to “get angry” to deal with things.  The situation was dealt with. And why would I feel anxiety over an issue that had been resolved?

If the anxiety attack was not from worry about money or an accumulation of feelings over an annoying months-long situation with email, then what else could it be?

I remembered that last night I’d split a small, grilled sirloin steak with my cat honoring a nostalgic craving for fajitas like the kind Alfredo and I made on Padre Island. Coincidentally, I had recently read that the cows were going “Home” and that the fear they felt before being slaughtered was transferred in their meat. Was I feeling the cow’s death anxiety?

Despite my habitual offering of thanks for any food I eat, I had to consider that “death anxiety” as a possibility, but was it strong enough to evoke a full-blown anxiety attack complete with shortness of breath? In someone who has had maybe one other instance of anxiety attack in her entire life? Including Chemistry finals? Hmm. Maybe, but there was still the matter of the fexofenadine.

A quick search produced different sources listing side effects for this popular generic of Allegra. Anxiety attacks were not listed, and “mood disorder” was listed as a rare, but severe response. I discounted the drug as the source of my anxiety which by now, several hours later, was HUGE.

Fortunately, as a former psychotherapist, I don’t believe one has to know WHY they feel bad. The important thing is to feel “better,” and first-aid was a “tap” away. I let go of trying to figure it out and went for the cure instead.

I had learned how to “tap” using Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) from Gary Craig’s website many years ago, but had never really used them.

Tapping the “sore spot” to set up the issue with my body, I then went through the sequence of meridian points on the face and down the front of the body three times. In less than five minutes, I was breathing normally. Whew!

Then I unwrapped the new CD that came in this morning’s mail, Gregg Braden’s Music from The Divine Matrix: Opening The Heart, Healing The Soul. Lying on the floor wearing headphones, bathed in sunlight, I immersed myself in the music. My old cat snuggled against me and for the next hour I simply felt gratitude. Whatever had caused the anxiety attack this morning was a non-issue. I felt better, and sometimes “better” is good enough.

FYI:  This series was posted in 2011, the year I began this blog.  If you read articles in my series called “The Irony of Life”, you know that I was able to manifest everything I wanted.  But now I’m looking at three giant things to manifest so I thought it appropriate to review what I had learned about manifesting.

Till next time,

Please be kind to everyone you meet, for we all have our hidden sorrows. ~Tzaddi




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