What Happens When You Leave “NOW”

Writing today’s post, my computer suddenly erased it one character at a time in rapid succession as if some unseen force were holding down the backspace key.

Now I’m excited about this intervention that denied the exploration of that first topic, something un-fun that came out of meditation, because it’s a message from my guys—those non-corporeal ones who are always nearby.

When I leaned back to give the experience some air, I realized it was actually the denouement from something that happened yesterday when I couldn’t lay my hands on the guidelines I needed to finish a project I began last Thanksgiving:  I went berserk.

I had organized every slip of paper relevant to that project—with separate folders in a separate portable file. I had even spent a full day organizing every communication, every bit of information, in my computer files, including email. I was on top of it!

Or so I thought.

But I couldn’t find the paper, the one with the guidelines I needed, and when I tried to replace it with an online search, I still couldn’t find it. I called on my guys. Got zip response. I felt helpless and small and completely abandoned.

My response was…huge. Every instance of non-support I’d ever experienced—from friends, family, co-workers—got swept up by this whirling mental vortex that finally exploded with an emotional fall-out that finished me off with tears.

“Fine!” I declared. “You won’t help me? I won’t work today! I’ll drink coffee and read comics instead!”

I snatched the newspaper off the table to get the funnies. Guess what I found lying under it? The paper with the guidelines I needed to finish this one tiny portion of a project that could possibly help to change my miserable life.

I quickly scanned the paper and… broke out laughing. I had already done everything I could do to complete this task—late last night. All that was left was to schedule an appointment at Basin Printing to get the special format that I could then upload online so I could scratch off one of the hundred+ mini-projects I had left to do. I grabbed the phone and called Selena.

“Aw, gee,” she says. “We’re swamped today. Someone’s out and we’re all….”

“I understand,” I say. “When could you do it?”

“Tomorrow afternoon.”

I hear you. You’re saying something like, “So?  You had some obstacles. Big deal.”

“Yes, it is a big deal. Because in my life—one that has been guided most of the way so far, especially in the past twenty years or so, such obstacles have meaning beyond inconvenience.” It was just up to me to figure it out. What does this series of “obstacles” mean to me?  I listed some likely possibilities:

• My life is out of balance. I was a workaholic in my first career and this is an invitation to rethink my approach to the goal I’m pursuing now. (You think?)
• It’s nothing more than a “coincidence.” Stuff happens.  (Nah. I don’t believe in coincidences).
• It’s an invitation to rethink my goal: is this really something I want badly enough to fight Fate for—like the Matt Damon character did in the film, The Adjustment Bureau? (I don’t know the answer to that… yet. This is what I’m doing now. Something else comes along that I want to do more than this? Well…)
• This is yet another opportunity to examine whether or not I am “balancing on the balls of my feet and staying in the present moment.”  (Oh yeah. We have a winner. And I’ll be happy to share what I learned from that dance—next week!)

Suddenly light on my feet again, I spent the rest of the day… playing!

I walked to the Health Food Store for a loaf of sourdough bread so I could make my favorite sandwich for lunch, and while waiting to check out, I visited with a gal about teas. I mowed my grass and blessed the mower that still starts with a single pull after thirty years. I weeded my herb garden, delighted to see that along with several plantings of Italian parsley, the Provence lavender had returned again. (Maybe this summer I’ll actually use it.) And I pulled “bird grass” out from around my stairwell, thinking, “This isn’t work. It’s creating something nice, and I deserve to have something pretty to look at when I come home.”

How about you? Been yanked out of your Bliss lately?

Till next time–I’ll be dancing like nobody’s watching.

Be kind to everyone you meet, for we all have our hidden sorrows.~Tzaddi