Why Don’t They Apologize?

saying_burying-the-hatchetSomeone you care about has hurt you.  They said or did something that felt like a ripped hangnail.  You find it difficult to do the right thing–“forgive and forget,” “bury the hatchet”–because you don’t want to play with them anymore, no matter who they are, no matter who they’re related to.  You scream silently, “They never apologizednot a gesture, not a single word!”  Why?

Meredith Bell names the “two biggies” why some people find it hard to apologize in her video (see link below*) of this re-post from her Voice of Encouragement blog (January 10, 2011):

Do You Find It Hard to Apologize?

Offering an apology doesn’t come easy when you’re the one who’s made a mistake or done something wrong. Yet those two simple words, “I’m sorry,” go a long way to making amends and restoring a relationship. Learn what may be keeping you from apologizing and the benefits you’ll experience when you do.

Who do you find it hard to apologize to? And what kinds of things do you find it hard to apologize for?

“It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one’s heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize.” – Stephen Covey, American author

“If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.” – Aldous Huxley, British novelist

“If people were really to sit down and honestly look at themselves and the consequences of their actions, they would try to live their lives a lot differently.” – George Lucas, American movie director

(*To watch her video on this blog post, click here;  to visit her blog click here. Thanks, Meredith! And . . .  a shout-out to Grea for the cartoon.)

Truth is, the ones who hurt you will probably never apologize, and the only one who still will be hurting, sadly, is you. Ouch!  So what are your options?  When someone has “done you wrong,” seems like you have two options:  confront them or simply “forget about it.”  If you typically choose the latter, I have to ask, “How’s that working for you?”  Got heart problems?  High blood pressure? Diabetes?  . . ..

Till next time,

Please be kind to everyone you meet, for we all have our hidden sorrows. ~Tzaddi

[This was first posted in 2013. It’s still true.]

10 responses to “Why Don’t They Apologize?

  1. kathleen abbott

    Euuuu, yucky stuff! Good one! Thanks, I am dealing with some of that with sorry going out and otherss needed in.



  2. Yep: it’s not fun, but I reckon it’s worth the post. The slang version of an apology, “My bad,” at least opens the door and has made it easier for lots of us to start the process.


  3. Judy Willgoss

    When it’s an obvious blunder on my part I find it so easy to quickly apologize. No problem. But when there are a lot of underlying issues the words don’t come so easily. Then it involves more than just “sorry”. It involves in depth relating and most of us don’t want to, or just can’t go there. It could involve facing demons. This can be dangerous or it can be the greatest of healers, a true gift. All cards on the table, it is up to us how we play them. Both parties must be sincere in their desire to mend the relationship and both must have the necessary degree of awareness to do so. It is at times like these when both parties consider themselves injured that a simple “sorry” won’t cut it. It is a time for healing.


  4. Judy, thanks for your comment. You’ve raised an important consideration and explained it beautifully. In my experience with such confrontations, the relationships have always been strengthened and enjoyed a new level of intimacy than before. Sadly, many people are just not willing to go there, but would rather just “forget about it.”


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  10. Judy Willgoss

    Where it gets jammed into the recesses of consciousness, obscuring the beautiful view.


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