First, let me apologize for no “blog appearance update.” There was a mistake with WP, and I spent the holidays facing my Cosmic Thump (IT). I called contractors, trying to resolve the “settling house issue” that began with the pounding of construction on three sides of my property, the pounding that ripped the stoops off the house and rattled my dishes in the cupboard. But this morning I suddenly understood IT!
This Cosmic Thump was The Big One. IT hit me in the purse, threatened me because all my money is in this house. I have no investments. I’m counting on the sale of this house to keep me on my life’s journey.
My house was built in 1938, remodeled in 1975, changing it from a single-family dwelling into a triplex (1600 square feet total). I bought it in 1981 after living in a concrete apartment complex for a few months when my husband and I agreed to part ways.
The triplex was walking distance from everywhere I needed to go: forty-five uphill minutes to my job at the college, five minutes to the laundromat and health food store, ten minutes to town where I bank and got mail. It’s a short bike ride to the tennis courts where I play with different groups, filling in as the missing fourth for doubles. This is a small town. That works for me.
Having this triplex enabled me to stay here when prices went through the roof after our town was named “one of the best places to live” by some magazine years ago. The house I sold when I married is now worth thirteen times what it cost in 1976. (All single girls: note my mistake!)
So “the house issue” was a good choice for the Powers That Be to awaken me.
If you’ve read my BURNOUT Trilogy, you know that I have been a spiritual seeker since I was a child.
Fascinated by the metaphysics branch of philosophy, I continued to learn all I could about those questions:
- Who am I?
- Is there a God? If so, what is our relationship?
- What is consciousness?
My answers are a synthesis of beliefs I experienced in my life:
- the one I grew up with (Christianity),
- the one a college student introduced me to in 1974 when her teacher demonstrated with cards man’s spiritual evolution (Tarot),
- the one that “taught me a better way to live” in 1990 (Yogi Amrit Desai), and
- my curiosity about the spiritual law of attraction as expressed by a group of non-corporeal beings who never had a body and never lived on Earth (Abraham/Esther Hicks).
They all say pretty much the same things:
- There is a power greater than us.
- It is omniscient (all-knowing) and omnipresent (everywhere, all the time).
- We are each part of that (All That Is, Spirit, God, Shakti).
- We co-create with our attention: our thoughts, words, deeds.
- We alone are responsible for everything we experience.
We alone are responsible for everything we experience. And I’m experiencing shaky ground!
When a girlfriend in Belize first mentioned that my spiritual foundation was shaky, I felt offended and responded by deflecting to her own Cosmic Thump. That was the beginning of my dance with my “house issue.”
But this morning, despite choosing coffee over meditation, All That Is spoke to me again!
The first time happened when I was driving back to town on a two-lane highway, watching a car coming too fast towards me from the opposite direction. Heart racing, I asked what to do. Should I move into the ditch and let it pass? The Voice was clear: “Hang tight onto the steering wheel and stay in your lane…”
The car did hit me, but not as I feared it would.
According to the highway patrolman, the driver lost control of his car when a truck on another road turned into the lane in front of him. The car driver went off the road to avoid hitting the truck. But when he hit the gravel, he lost control of his car, which then started sliding in my direction, slightly sideways, at seventy miles/hour.
He hit my car in the middle, smashed the passenger side, and slid into the ditch. Had I had pulled into the ditch, I’d be dead.
Spirit also spoke to me in the desert when I was camping with Huichol Indian shamans in Mexico, just one of the many ways I tried to heal myself from a breakdown when I experienced death so many times. On my last day there, the message was through a desert lizard. SNAP! I’m well.
What does this have to do with my current Cosmic Thump?
I realized that I haven’t owned my beliefs. I have not completely accepted that I created my current situation with the “house issue.” Sure, I can go backwards and say I should have reported the damage to my house from the development of two building projects, but I didn’t know how to prove it, and I didn’t have money for a lawsuit. In 2012, I did complain to the Code Enforcement Officer, who stopped the pounding of four machines right next to my house within minutes.
But apparently, I have not yet embraced the notion that I create my reality. Academic curiosity is not the same as living the belief. Ironically, I learned about faith and thoughts as a child in Sunday school:
He said to them, “Because of your little faith. For truly, I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20, Bible, English Standard Version).
So this morning’s “Aha!” was a gentle push for me to decide: Do I have faith? Or has my “seeking the truth” life been just another academic pursuit?
I know which one feels better.
Till next time,
“Please be kind to everyone you meet, for we all have our hidden sorrows.” ~Tzaddi