Why I Stopped Talking About IT

A friend asked why I don’t want to talk about my crash, especially when I’m blogging it. Hmm. It’s about perspective, honed by experience:

I was raised by the Baptist church but taught by Gurudev Amrit Desai. I am a non-practicing minister of metaphysics who accepts the spiritual path of Tarot, and I once was a psychotherapist.

That said, I believe that, at some point, everyone needs a “witness”–at least one person who knows the challenge he’s facing, someone who will listen quietly, offer no advice, and then “forget about it.” (Caveat: no repeats!)

Catholics figured that out long ago. Members confess their sins and woes without concern that the priest will repeat it. But to whom can non-Catholics turn?

Got money? Talk to a psychotherapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. You can tell your problems without fear because their business would be ended if they repeated the story to anyone.

But be wary of telling your friends and relatives, which is like publishing your life on social media. Only an introvert can be trusted to “forget about it” because they tend to spend their time alone and don’t have the same need for attention as do extroverts.

When I crashed, I was staying in the guest house of someone who was trained to be a good listener and who understands privacy. When I got home, I was fortunate to have a pen pal who agreed to let me dump my story via email without comment. Do I trust them to “forget about it?” Absolutely.

But I’m not interested in telling that story again to others because I don’t want to keep thinking about it. As Gurudev said, “You are the creator. Whatever you think, that is what you create. And that is what you become.”

Experience taught me that I create with my thoughts, words, and deeds.

I know about the power of prayer and meditation. I imagine telling someone who then tells their spouse, friends or relatives and Boom! Two or more are gathered, reinforcing my story, ensuring that I get to keep experiencing it. Besides that, if I have already turned my troubles over to a Higher Power, then why would I keep talking about it? Doesn’t that scream, “She has no faith!”?

From all my experience, I believe that “Like attracts like.” As Abraham says,

People often believe that because something happened, and because it is a fact or true, that it should be focused upon, and therefore kept vibrationally active. And so, many people keep many things active that do not serve them. If we were standing in your physical shoes, we would not keep something active in our vibration just because it had happened. We would only keep things active that we want to repeat in our life experience. ~ Esther and Jerry Hicks, Excerpted from Long Beach, CA on 2/15/14

I do not want to keep experiencing those troubles.

But you wrote about it! On your blog!

Yep! But people who read it are not the same people I “live” with. They are not my relatives with whom I interact by phone or local friends I see every day. If readers tell others what they read, it does not affect me personally.

And writing does not seem to be the same as talking. Just for grins, let’s imagine what would happen if writing were the same as talking:

If that were true, then writers of thrillers would be visited by the bad guys they write about, and sci-fi writers about aliens would be “taken.” And the king of horror, Stephen King, would be terrified to leave his house.

Unfortunately, writing about it—as in journals or blog posts—doesn’t have the same healing effect as telling my story to someone who can “witness” without comment. (Proviso: no repeats! Repeating not only strengthens the story; it also soon becomes boring to both parties.)

But that doesn’t mean that writing about it in my journal isn’t helpful. It is. When I’m confronted with some experience too big for me to carry, I open my journal first. Sometimes, just expressing what is happening and how I feel about it helps me see it differently, and I feel better. That is especially true if I get busy soon after that.

On the other hand, writing in my journal about the same thing day after day would definitely lock me in the negative zone. Again: express IT and forget about it.

However, as far as I know, writing about it elsewhere, as in a book or on my blog, does not reinforce the troubles. I’m guessing that’s true because I’m not focused on the story itself, but how to write about it. It’s a right-brain, left-brain thing.

So why do I do it? Why do I share such intensely personal stuff online?

Because I believe that’s what I’m meant to be doing. I share my personal experience on my blog for those who are having similar experiences and for those who know someone who is (just as I did as a professor). With people gossiping about us, and government and crooks spying on us through the Internet and our phones, how could anyone still believe in privacy?

Because I have spent my life collecting skills for dealing with most of what comes my way, I think it’s important to share them in the context of a real story. And the joy of helping another person lights my fire.

But how do I quit thinking about it?

Here’s what worked for me:

  • Staying in the present moment.
  • Stop imagining how bad it could get. Visualizing the opposite instead.
  • Focusing on body sensations, toes to head.
  • Practicing Yoga Nidra.
  • Walking and focusing on the joy of movement and beauty around me.
  • Practicing gratitude.
  • Praying and meditating.
  • Consciously switching my attention from the negative to the positive.

What didn’t work: continuing to tell my story.

Hope this helps!

Till next time,

Please be kind to everyone you meet, for we all have our hidden sorrows. ~Tzaddi

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