My understanding of what I call “The In-Between” has become clearer as I’m in it again and there’s nothing to do but let it be what it is: time out.
The very first time I recall not having any energy, not wanting to do anything, not caring if my yard was overgrown or even if I had gained some pounds was 1983. It was a nice summer day, and I was sitting on the front stoop doing nothing. My neighbor came over.
“We’re worried about you,” she said.
“Because you’re not doing anything. All you do it sit there all day.”
She didn’t know I was a workaholic who had not taken a break in many years. That I had worked my way through graduate school and then taken the first job offered to me. I was exhausted and felt so grateful for being able to do nothing for at least a few months. As soon as I identified something I wanted to do more than nothing, I’d do it.
In fact, that’s when I drafted my first novel, the psychological thriller, Night Sounds.
Once my neighbor knew I was doing something, she left me alone to do it.
I believe I’m fortunate to have experienced several times the curious “In-Between” even if the next ones were Cosmic Thumps that limited what I could do because they were painful physical events. The most recent one, the spectacular accident that created multiple fractures in my right lower arm, also misaligned my body from ankles to scull and awakened the sleeping dragon in my neck.
Because I don’t believe in coincidences, I decided to follow the astrologer’s advice to study my life and discover what the Universe wanted me to learn. The accident was timely, coinciding with a Saturn Return that screamed, “STOP!”
And so I did.
Until one day I shrieked back, “If my life continues to be only drudgery and work, I’m not interested in continuing!”
And then I was reminded of the promise I had made—that I would provide a good home all their days to the feral cats I adopted. Quitting was not an option.
But the rule now is “What do I WANT to do?” Somehow, I had forgotten that I don’t HAVE to do anything except die. I choose to do laundry and buy groceries and make my bed. And yesterday I weeded the irises in the back yard. But I constantly ask myself throughout the day, “What do you WANT to do next?”
And the lessons that emerged about DOING are these:
Stay in the present moment.
Do what you love.
I have finally accepted where I am in life (the wake-up call of this Cosmic Thump), and I’m doing the best I can. Sometimes, I work. Sometimes, I space out with reruns on my laptop. Sometimes I just breathe. I know the In-Between will pass when I decide how I want my life to be next.
Till next time,
Please be kind to everyone you meet, for we all have our hidden sorrows. ~Tzaddi
CLICK HERE to get your copy of Night Sounds.
Image Credit: “Just breathe” is from Warrior Goddess Training on Facebook.