Someone you care about has hurt you. They said or did something that felt like a ripped hangnail. You find it difficult to do the right thing–”forgive and forget,” “bury the hatchet”–because you don’t want to play with them anymore, no matter who they are, no matter who they’re related to. You scream silently, “They never apologized–not a gesture, not a single word!” Why?
Meredith Bell names the “two biggies” why some people find it hard to apologize in her video (see link below*) of this re-post from her Voice of Encouragement blog (January 10, 2011):
Offering an apology doesn’t come easy when you’re the one who’s made a mistake or done something wrong. Yet those two simple words, “I’m sorry,” go a long way to making amends and restoring a relationship. Learn what may be keeping you from apologizing and the benefits you’ll experience when you do.
Who do you find it hard to apologize to? And what kinds of things do you find it hard to apologize for?
“It takes a great deal of character strength to apologize quickly out of one’s heart rather than out of pity. A person must possess himself and have a deep sense of security in fundamental principles and values in order to genuinely apologize.” – Stephen Covey, American author
“If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and address yourself to the task of behaving better next time. On no account brood over your wrongdoing. Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.” – Aldous Huxley, British novelist
“If people were really to sit down and honestly look at themselves and the consequences of their actions, they would try to live their lives a lot differently.” – George Lucas, American movie director
Truth is, the ones who hurt you will probably never apologize, and the only one who still will be hurting, sadly, is you. Ouch! So what are your options? When someone has “done you wrong,” seems like you have two options: confront them or simply “forget about it.” If you typically choose the latter, I have to ask, “How’s that working for you?” Got heart problems? High blood pressure? Diabetes? . . ..
Join me next week for more People Skills and the beginning of more about that first option in the first post on confrontation. There’s more than one way to get it done, and only one is in person! (Whew!)
Till then, I’ll be Skating Thru the debris of my own relationship fallout, trying to “practice what I’m teaching.” Remember: I’m “just another bozo on the bus!” (Loving nod to Ram Dass).
Related “People Skills” posts: